Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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