I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
