My sheets look like a crime scene.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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