You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
