im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
