I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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