I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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