we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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