Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
