shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
