I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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