First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
