hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
