just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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