Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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