you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
