I smell stomach acid.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
