Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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