if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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