i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
