Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
this just has baby written all over it
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
