Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
FUCK WHALES
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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