well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
