Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize