homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
