The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
