so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
ttyl tear gas
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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