I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
