I just threw up on my dentist
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
