Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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