i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
