I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
