It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Sex in the backyard? Check.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize