this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
