And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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