I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
