I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
