I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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