last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
