so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize