I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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