Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
