Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
