READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So many bounce houses so little time
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
