After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize