I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
