Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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