The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Where is the hickey?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
