Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
