I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
