i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
