A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
