i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
