I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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