omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
