no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
