his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
