you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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