You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
