Define "chronic" masturbator.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize