I hate all girls vehemently.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
