You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
