i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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