forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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