Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
