Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
